Grieving Through The Holidays

Is it just me, or does this time of year always seem to come around quickly? 

It seems that in the blink of an eye stores are already putting out holiday decor, people are hanging their Christmas lights and buying gifts, Black Friday ads start filling our feeds, and just like that the holidays are here. 

For most, the holidays are the best time of the year. There’s gift giving, delicious foods, traditions, sales, gatherings, you name it! Naturally, we enjoy spending this special time of year together. But what many of us are quick to forget is that while this may be the best time of year for us, it can easily be the worst or hardest time of year for others. 

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Since living in our home, we hosted every year and both sides of my family would come together. With a table so long it ran through the kitchen to the living room, our house was filled with laughter, the smell of good food, and gratitude for being able to celebrate being with each other. Gram would always come over first thing on Thanksgiving morning and start cooking dinner with my mom. When I was old enough, I started joining in on the little tradition. Memory after memory was created in that kitchen each year. Gram would teach me how to make the gravy and I got to make the mashed potatoes just how I like them. 

Sitting around the table each year, we would pray as a family, fill our plates, and each share what we’re grateful for. Somewhere down the line it became tradition to play a game of spoons (that always ended up getting way too competitive) once our dinners settled. My mom, aunts, and grandmas broke out the black friday deals from the newspapers and magazines, while pop and uncles watched sports and swapped stories. Us kids did a number of things: sneak more desert, the classic cousin choreographed dance, pretending to teach, or just hanging out. 

But as we grow-up, things start to change. We go to college, work jobs, families make other plans…things just start to change. You adapt to it over time. You adjust traditions and make new ones. But no one prepares you for the biggest change: the first holiday without close loved ones. 

No one prepares you for the dread. 

No one tells you just how bad the grief will resurface. 

No one tells you how hard the holidays can truly be. 

This year, Thanksgiving won’t bring the hustle and bustle to our home. Our traditions will change. With the loss of several loved ones, this is going to be the most difficult Holiday season. 

So here’s the honest truth from someone just trying to get through the holidays this year: We’re trying our best, but we can’t wait for them to be over. This season brings up the reality that my loved ones can’t be with us anymore. It’s a reminder that our lives have changed forever. 

Thankfully, I have an incredible village behind me ready to help me through. 

The reality is, you never know why someone may struggle around the holidays. They may not have a wonderful home life, or maybe they’ll be missing loved ones for the first time. There are so many reasons that this season can be especially tough on someone. It’s important to remember that most people won’t make it known that this is a difficult season. Talking about it for many only makes things worse. 

So, here’s 5 ways to be apart of someone’s village this holiday season: 

Be patient: 

Difficult seasons impact each of us differently. Being patient is one of the simplest ways to show someone you’re there to support them. 

Lend an ear: 

For some, talking about their hardships only makes this season harder. But, for many, talking about the good times and positive memories helps ease the hurt. 

Don’t focus too much on saying the right thing: 

A simple text just to check in is perfect. There’s no need to make it elaborate. 

Stay respectful: 

Please don’t ask to try and find the joy in the season or that we should just be grateful for the happy memories we did get to make. It’s because of that joy that this season is so hard - we don’t get to share that with our loved ones anymore and this our first time experiencing that. 

Try to remain understanding: 

If someone is experiencing difficult grief during the holiday season, understand that they may not want to take part in regular traditions or theirs may look different this year. Know they are trying their best. Offer support where you can. 

Holidays are meant to celebrate together and to be grateful for the love we share with our families and friends. Sometimes that love means supporting our friends and families during their most difficult times. 

If you are someone experiencing grief this holiday season, know that you are not alone and  it’s okay to let this year look different - do what you need to get through.