Hot Girl Summer is Out, Self-Love Summer is In

It’s all over social media: the fad diets, tiny bathing suits, the “hot girl summer” trend. The online community makes us feel as though the only way to have your best summer is to have a “hot girl” summer. I guess we should define that first before jumping into why the heck we need to re-invent it. 

The original concept is to have a care-free, unapologetically you summer all about self love and fun… but social media is social media, therefore many of us feel this definition has changed. It has since adapted into fitting a mold across departments: body, style, how much money you’re willing to spend for a good time. The title “hot girl” insinuates that there is a “not-so-hot girl”...not very “self-love” worthy is it? We shouldn’t be viewing our summers in a mindset of “is this hot girl enough?” Instead, let’s change the language to actually represent what we originally set out to do: introducing self-love summer. 

Self-love summer perfectly encapsulates our original concept AND allows you to set your own intentions. It allows us to focus on being unapologetically ourselves while embracing who we are mentally and physically, not trying to force ourselves into a mold. Girl, you’re stunning, don’t let those summer fears creep in. This summer, we’re conquering them. Buy the cute swimsuit you’ve been eyeing up. Go on the walk. Relax on the beach. Do what makes your heart happy. 

Let’s set some ground rules to have your best self-love summer. 

Rule #1: Show your body love

It’s gotten you through so much! It’s time to love your body for what it does for you. Summer shouldn’t mean hating your body every time you look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I can tell you I have never once looked in the mirror and not seen something I wish was different. But instead of hating what I see, I’m now trying to view my body as its capabilities rather than its physical appearance. I push myself to do tough things: hiking mountains, going to the gym, etc. Do I want to be a skinny legend? I think we all do. But, I’m done shaming myself for not perfectly fitting the runway model look. I refuse to let my body image define my summer. 

So, this summer I am choosing to show my body love rather than pick it apart. Sure, let’s do the workout, but let’s make our goal to allow our bodies to keep doing amazing things. We’re aiming for strength, endurance, livability. 

Rule #2: Kick social anxiety in the butt 

Girl, I get it. The plans sound like so much fun! You plan the outfit, think about the memories to be made, and then the day comes along when you actually have to go…cue the anxiety. We all talk about the social anxiety side, but we rarely hear about the “post-bail” guilt after backing out. I challenge you to kick social anxiety’s butt at least once this summer. I know it’s scary; I know it can be intimidating. Read your social meter: is it too low, or are you afraid you’ll totally drain your battery? I challenge you to ask yourself these questions the next time you are thinking about bailing: Will I be with someone who I know I’ll have fun with? Will this create good memories to look back on? Do I feel safe (other than my anxiety) with these plans? If the answer is yes, go. Plus, who said you can’t leave early if it turns out this wasn’t the move?

It's time to conquer our anxiety when we can. You'll be so proud of yourself! 

Rule #3: Mental health care is a must 

We’re keeping our mental health a priority this summer. This meaning, we are balancing our fun with self care and mental health awareness. You know your mind and body best. Only you can judge when you’re too tired or when you need a break. Having something continuously planned sounds like fun until your social battery has run dry and your mental/emotional well-being needs a recharge. There is no shame in taking time for you to just relax or catch up on the things that keep you feeling safe and sound. Keeping a summer calendar? Add in self care to hold yourself accountable. 

Rule #4: Love yourself = Love your bank account 

Yes, let’s do the fun things! Share the experience, go to the show, get brunch…but we aren’t breaking the bank. Financial wellness is just as important as your physical and mental wellness. 

Easiest way I’ve found over the years is to sit down at the start of summer and set a strict budget. Give yourself an allowance, keeping in mind trips and outings. This helps eliminate the “I’m scared to look” feeling everytime you open your bank app. 

Rule #5: Do what makes you happy 

Want to go to the botanical gardens? Do it. Not feeling up to a night out? Stay in! Want to take the pictures? Take them. 

This is where the unapologetically you part comes in. Pay attention to your wants and needs, they are just as important as those of others (yes, people pleaser, I'm talking to you). If you want to do something with your friends, propose the idea to them. If you want to relax, it’s okay to say no to plans. You want that cute picture you saw on pinterest or you’ve had sitting in your mind? Ask your friend to take it! Trust me, you’ll be happy you did. 

Rule #6: Take off the social media lens 

I know you’ve seen the Tiktoks and reels: “Social media vs. reality”. It’s time to stop viewing life through a social media lens. Yes, socials can be fun. Yes, taking cute pics that you get excited to share is fun. Yes, making cute little videos with your friends is fun. However, you can’t expect every minute of your summer to be what you see in a photo or video. The truth? Those creators take so much footage and show you only a snippet of their day, trip, event, etc. What it doesn’t show is the constant changing of camera angles, the hours of weeding through footage and editing it to be just right, the endless hours of traveling it took to get there. The photos don’t come with a disclaimer of “perfectly posed, edited tan, and perfect filter”. Don’t beat yourself up when reality doesn’t look like perfect social media content. Expecting every minute of your summer to look like viral Tiktok will only lead to disappointment. 

Rule #7: Love those around you 

The whole premise of this started with no longer enjoying the concept of Hot Girl Summer. It became entirely too self absorbed, which defeats the larger purpose of being unapologetically you. This may sound harsh, but there is a hard line between being unapologetically you and being self absorbed. Yes, we want you to be your true self. But being your true self shouldn't continuously hurt others, intentional or not. Encourage those around you to follow the self-love summer rules. Loving yourself also means helping others come into their own self love journey when they're ready.  

The excitement that comes with summer can be mixed with a lingering fear for so many of us, especially during our twenties. It’s time to stop trying to live by the social media trends and expectations and to start spending our summers the way we want. So, let’s re-invent hot girl summer into our best self-love summer we can. Let’s hold ourselves accountable to have a fun filled and mental health aware summer!